When you don’t feel queer enough: 7 Ways to stop self-doubt from ruining your Pride month
After hearing countless LGBTQ+ clients struggle with Queer Imposter Syndrome, I’m calling it out and revealing how you can have a great Pride month.
What is Queer Imposter Syndrome?
Queer Imposter Syndrome is that scary feeling of not being queer or trans enough. It might pop up as doubt about your LGBTQ+ identity. For example, you may repeatedly ask yourself and get stuck on the question: “What if I am making it up?”
It can also appear as the nagging feeling of having to prove your queerness or transness to others. You might notice yourself seeking validation from others that you really are queer or trans. Or maybe you compare yourself to fellow LGBTQ+ people around you to see if you ‘measure up.’
How does it play out in relation to Pride month?
These feelings and thoughts of queer imposter syndrome may feel even more present as we approach Pride month. There may be Pride celebrations you are wanting to join but are not feeling queer or trans enough to attend. It can also appear as feeling pressure to celebrate Pride in a certain way, in order to prove your queerness or transness.
Imposter syndrome thoughts often get in the way of you having the Pride month you want. They can sound like:
“I’m not queer or trans enough to fit in with everyone else who is there celebrating.” “But I have a cis-het partner so I don’t belong at pride celebrations.”
“I pass as cis-het so I don’t belong at pride celebrations.”
“I hate large crowds, and Pride parades have become so White-washed. But if I don’t attend the parade or go celebrate at the park, I’m not being a good/valid/real LGBTQ+ person.”
The good news:
You are not alone. Many LGBTQ+ folks struggle with queer imposter syndrome. Regardless of where you’re at with conquering queer imposter syndrome, you are, undoubtedly, part of the LGBTQ+ community. You deserve to celebrate Pride in ways that feel special for you!
7 Ways to Stop the Queer Imposter Syndrome from Ruining Your Pride Month:
1) Normalizing it. Read about others’ experiences of queer imposter syndrome. Talk with LGBTQ+ friends about it (in-person or online).
2) Spend Pride with affirming/validating friends. Surround yourself with people (LGBTQ+ or cis-het) who don’t make you feel like you must prove your queerness or transness.
3) Think about what expressions (clothing, hair, makeup, etc.) have been the most euphoric for you. Can you include these expressions in your life throughout the month of June?
4) Reflect on what would feel celebratory or rebellious to you. What are things that have helped your LGBTQ+ identity feel nurtured? For example: rewatching your favorite LGBTQ+ tv show or movie, hosting a Pride brunch with the affirming/validating people in your life, making a playlist of songs that make you feel euphoric. Knowing that the Stonewall riots were an act of queer and trans rebellion, what are things that help channel your inner queer or trans rebel?
5) Journaling or visualizing about how far you’ve come in your queer or trans identity. Think back to last June…What are some of the things you wish you could tell your past self? Think about June next year…What are some things your imagined future self may want to share with your present self?
6) Accepting your feelings of self-doubt and celebrating anyways. You can do this by repeating to yourself “I feel like a fake and I’m going to celebrate Pride anyways!”
7) Starting therapy to better address your imposter syndrome. Find a therapist specialized in LGBTQ+ affirming therapy. I am more than happy to support you on this journey. You can also look for therapists on directories such as Therapy Den and MN LGBTQ+ Therapist Network
See the list of 8 ways being LGBTQ+ benefits your life.
Are you ready to deepen your sense of self-trust, certainty, and belonging with your LGBTQ+ identities?
