What Does It Look Like To Have A Bi-Affirming Therapist?

It’s all too common for people to believe bisexual stereotypes. Unfortunately, you might encounter a therapist who holds these beliefs. Some of the most frequent assumptions about bi+ (bisexual, pan, queer, etc.) people are that they are lying about their identity, confused, immature, and unable to have happy relationships. If your therapist has internalized bi stereotypes, you might notice them over-emphasizing you having identity or relationship issues. When you don’t have a bi-affirming therapist or your therapist’s bi+ stereotypes are affecting your sessions, it can distract from you getting the therapy support you deserve.

That’s why it is so valuable to know how you can spot a bi-affirming therapist. Imagine having a therapist who understands how bi+ stereotypes leave you feeling judged and misunderstood. A therapist who validates your bi+ identity and recognizes the beauty of you being able to affirm your identity.

So what does it look like to have a bi-affirming therapist?

The therapist understands there are different life experiences for bi+ folks compared to gay/lesbian folks.

This may look like your therapist not mislabeling you as gay/lesbian. They see your bi+ identity as valid, instead of interpreting it as a phase on your way to a gay/lesbian identity. A bi-affirming therapist knows that as a bi+ person you are navigating outness as queer (i.e. someone with same gender attraction), and also as bi+ (i.e. someone with attraction to multiple genders). Sometimes you feel more visible as queer than you do as a bi+ person. In bi-affirming therapy, the therapist can also empathize with why you may be nervous to come out to someone as bi even when you know the person is gay-affirming. They might know that gay/lesbian community is not guaranteed to be inclusive for you as a bi+ person. They understand that the LGBTQ+ community spaces you participate in can have varying degrees of bi acceptance.

The therapist validates your experiences of binegativity.

They don’t downplay or ignore when you bring up how someone doubted or erased your bi+ identity. They see how these moments make you feel dismissed and may even stir up your self-doubt. A bi-affirming therapist knows you don’t have to tolerate or accept binegativity from others. They won’t respond with “that’s just how it is.” They will guide you to explore how you want to respond to yourself and others when you encounter binegativity.

The therapist does not assume the gender of current or past significant others.

You might decide to use gender ambiguous pronouns, such as they/them, to describe your dating history when you are first feeling out whether a therapist is bi-affirming. A bi-affirming therapist will then mirror your use of they/them pronouns. They won’t make assumptions about your partners’ gender or assume you’ve only dated one gender. If you speak about your dating history using gender pronouns that vary across your partners, a bi-affirming therapist can easily mirror the gender pronouns you use for your significant others. The therapist can readily switch among using he/him, she/her, they/them, etc. when talking about your relationships.

The therapist helps you challenge internalized biphobia and bi erasure.

A bi-affirming therapist is well aware that internalized biphobia and bi erasure take a toll on your mental health. That’s why they work with you to address it, instead of ignoring it. This might look like your therapist pausing and naming moments in session when they hear you trapped in a biphobic thought. They might invite you to get curious about where this thought comes from and what feelings tag along with it. A bi-affirming therapist knows that if they can support you in noticing and pushing back against internalized biphobia or bi erasure, your mental health will improve.

Now that I got your gears turning, what would be 1-2 signs that you found a bi-affirming therapist? These might include something I listed above or something missing from the above list.

If you’re currently looking for a bi-affirming therapist in Minneapolis or greater Minnesota, check out more about me and my style of therapy. I specialize in working with bi+ people who want to better manage their anxiety, heal from trauma, or further affirm their identities. As a licensed psychologist, I foster a bi-affirming therapy experience for you by combining my lived experience as a bi/queer woman with 10+ years of providing therapy. If you’re ready to start working with a bi-affirming therapist and want to meet with me, let’s connect!