Trauma therapy can be a very valuable part of healing for LGBTQ+ people. That is why it is so important for LGBTQ+ trauma survivors to get therapy from a LGBTQ-specialized therapist. Trauma therapy can be challenging though, even when matched with a great therapist.

Here are some of the reasons trauma therapy can be so hard:

-Revisiting painful memories.

-Self-doubt.

-Shame & self-blame.

-Finding it difficult to build trusting relationships (even with your therapist).

-Intense emotion.

-Rebuilding a sense of self is hard work.

Let’s look at each of these reasons in more detail…

Revisiting painful memories.

Trauma therapy often includes revisiting painful memories with the goal that the memories become less painful over time. This is often referred to as ‘exposure.’ Some well-known trauma therapies are exposure-based therapies. Prolonged exposure (PE), Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT), and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) are a few exposure-based therapies. They have a specific protocol for how and when you engage in revisiting traumatic memories during your therapy sessions.

However, non-exposure based therapies have also been found to be effective for trauma. Psychologists have recently concluded that exposure is a helpful element of trauma treatment, but is not necessary or sufficient for trauma relief (Rubenstein et al., 2024). The therapeutic relationship and general effectiveness of the therapist seems to matter more than the therapy method itself.

When searching for a new trauma therapist, I encourage you to really prioritize the connection you’re feeling to this new potential therapist. Even if you choose to seek out an exposure-based therapy such as EMDR, its effectiveness will still hinge on how solid of a connection you have to the therapist providing you EMDR. If the therapeutic relationship between you and your EMDR therapist is bad to mediocre, you will then be in a position where you’re doing the hard work of exposure therapy but will be less likely to benefit from EMDR. You deserve for your hard work in trauma therapy to bring you relief, whether your doing exposure-based trauma therapy or not.

Self-doubt.

It’s all too often that after surviving a toxic or abusive experience, you are left questioning if what you experienced was really trauma. I’ve seen countless therapy clients stuck in thinking that if they can convince themselves it “wasn’t that big of a deal,” then they will start to feel better about it. You find yourself in a back-and-forth between knowing it was traumatic and thinking you’re exaggerating it in your mind.

This self -doubt can lead you to be hyperaware of any response from your therapist that either confirms or invalidates your experience as trauma. You find yourself simultaneously wanting them to validate it as trauma, while also wanting them to confirm that it wasn’t trauma so that you can ‘get on with your life.’ An experienced trauma therapist will be mindful that you are battling this dynamic as you work together.

Shame and self-blame.

You might struggle with thoughts that you are to blame for what happened. These internalized beliefs can be hard to confront in therapy. Shame and self-blame often keep you stuck in silence because you feel like others will look down on you or judge you for what happened. Oftentimes underneath this fear of others’ judgment is the judgment you pass on yourself for ‘letting it happen’ or ‘not stopping it sooner.’ These are deeply painful beliefs to confront and dismantle. A skilled trauma therapist will help you acknowledge and work through these beliefs.

Finding it difficult to build trusting relationships (even with your therapist).

Effective therapy requires you to build a trustworthy relationship with your therapist. This can be hard because past experiences of betrayal can lead a trauma survivor to be more protective of who they let in, even their therapist. It’s hard to be vulnerable with someone when you’ve been so deeply betrayed by people before. Trauma often shakes your view of the world as a safe place and can rupture your trust in humanity. Look for a therapist who doesn’t feel entitled to your trust, but actively works to earn and build your trust.

Intense emotion.

Talking about trauma and its effect on you is an emotional experience. As a psychologist, I’ve seen the emotional weight for therapy clients when they begin to recognize that they experienced significant trauma. Trauma therapy asks you to be present with your emotions. This can be really scary if you’ve often felt out of control with your emotions. However, a skillful trauma therapist will understand the importance of guiding you at a do-able pace and staying within your window of tolerance for more intense emotions.

Rebuilding a sense of self is hard work.

Traumatic experiences often leave us with a life that feels split into a before-and-after. There are parts of yourself from before the trauma that may feel lost. Rebuilding your sense of self and understanding your new identity as a trauma survivor is hard work. It can feel so abstract, and this is challenging to sort through. You deserve a therapist who can sit in this messiness with you and allows you to grieve.

You can do hard things.

Just because something is hard does not mean it won’t be worthwhile. While trauma therapy is challenging, you can do hard things! You are allowed to be scared and do it anyways.

Ready to find your next trauma therapist? Reach out to me to start trauma therapy. I am a bi/queer therapist in Minneapolis offering online therapy throughout the state of Minnesota.

I wish you all the best in your therapy journey!

Research cited in this blog:

Rubenstein, A., Doran, J., Duek, O., & Harpaz-Rotem, I. (2024). Some closure on exposure—Realigning the perspective on trauma treatment and finding a pathway forward: Reply to Brown (2024) and Najavits (2024). American Psychologist, 79(3), 350–351. https://doi.org/10.1037/amp0001314