5 Ways to Support Your Trans Partner, Friend, or Loved One
Many trans people are feeling the stress and fear of what the future holds in regards to trans hostility and access to gender-affirming care. With our current political landscape and the increasing number of anti-trans legislation, it’s now more important than ever to support your trans partner, friends, and loved ones. Whether your loved one just came out as trans or they’ve come out long before, you can be a source of support for them during this time.
Here are some tips on how to support your trans partner, family, or loved one:
Educate yourself on trans identities and experiences.
Listen to podcasts, documentaries, movies, or books created by trans people about their experiences. Join a support group for family and friends of trans people. The less your trans loved one has educate you on trans identities, they more you get to focus on connecting and doing things you love together.
Acknowledge your feelings.
Are you feeling any grief about the news that your loved one is trans? It’s ok to grieve the future you had assumed for your loved one, but don’t let it get in the way of continuing to build a future with them.
Are you feeling scared about them encountering transphobia and trans hostility? That’s ok too, just know you can be a source of support for them through those moments.
The things you’re feeling are valid, but some of them may be hurtful to share directly with your trans loved one. Acknowledge and seek support for some of your own feelings with people other than your trans loved one.
Empathize with and validate their experiences of transphobia and trans hostility.
Trust that your trans loved one knows how to spot transphobia better than you do. If they bring up an experience that left them feeling fearful, hurt, or objectified don’t downplay or negate it. Validate the transphobia they experienced. Then ask how you can help or remind them how much they mean to you.
Support their experiences of trans joy, embodiment, and gender euphoria.
Supporting your trans loved one means not only acknowledging their struggles as a trans person, but also their joy. Using their correct name and pronouns helps them feel more respected and embodied.
Give encouragement when they want to explore new gender expressions or build more trans+ community. If your trans loved one has a new hairstyle that they say feels gender-affirming, let them know how happy you are to hear that.
Acknowledge any positive changes you’re noticing since they came out. Try saying something like “I notice you smile so much more now,” or “You seem much happier since coming out.”
Speak up against transphobia that you encounter.
Whether your trans loved one is present with you or not, speak up against transphobia you encounter. It helps your support be less performative and more genuine. Contributing to a more trans-affirming society not only supports your loved one, but supports all trans people.
Resources in Minnesota for supporting your trans partner, loved one, or friend:
Information and calls to action for trans+ rights in MN:
-Gender Justice and The Gender Justice Brief (podcast)
Support groups for families and friends of trans people in Minnesota:
-Trans Northland (Duluth-based)
Finding a trans-affirming therapist in Minnesota:
-MN LGBTQ+ Therapists’ Network
Your trans loved one deserves to be supported and loved for who they are.
If you or your trans loved one is looking for a trans-affirming therapist in Minneapolis, MN, reach out to me for a free consult. I am a trans-specialized bi/queer therapist. I provide online therapy for LGBTQ+ people located throughout Minnesota. Your loved one can have a life where they are affirmed, celebrated, and supported in their trans identity. Let’s connect, I’d love to be of support.
