How to Make LGBT Friends
For LGBTQ people there are benefits to having fellow LGBTQ friends and community. A question I get a lot from my trans, nonbinary, and queer therapy clients is: How do I make more LGBT friends? This is a very important question. Having LGBT-affirming friendships and community builds your resilience and improves your mental health.
So what makes a healthy friendship and how can you make more LGBT friends?
6 signs of healthy, LGBTQ-affirming friendships:
-Supports your growth as a person and affirms what being LGBTQ means to you
-Allows for disagreements and reconnection
-Respects each other’s boundaries
-Enjoys shared interests
-Offers support during difficult times
-Celebrates accomplishments and triumphs together
How have you developed friendships in the past?
I want you to picture one of your closest friendships (current or past). Now answer the following questions for yourself to understand your friend-making patterns:
How did you meet this friend? Did you approach them or did they approach you?
How long did it take until you felt a close friendship or connection with this person?
What were some moments that allowed you to realize this was a close friendship?
When you think of other friendships you’ve had, what makes this friendship similar or different?
What did you notice from your answers to the above questions? Is there a particular way you’ve build friendships in the past that can inform how you approach building new friendships and family of choice?
Maybe you’re someone who initiates conversations with new people, or you might be someone who prefers to join in on a group conversation. Any observations you’re able to make about past friendships helps you understand ways you can build new friendships.
Where to find LGBTQ friends:
Knowing more about your friendship pattern from the questions above, let’s apply it to meeting new LGBTQ friends. Here are some examples:
If you’re someone who prefers one-on-one connection, consider if there are any friend-matching apps you can get on. Or set an intention to talk to a LGBTQ classmate or colleague at least 1x/week. Would (safely) making yourself more visible as a LGBTQ person allow other LGBTQ people to find you and initiate connection with you?
If you’re someone who prefers to join in on existing conversations or groups, think about LGBTQ or LGBTQ-adjacent opportunities to do so. Is there a LGBTQ sports league you can join, an online discord, or book club? What are some interests that a lot of LGBTQ people tend to share? Are there any local groups for this interest?
The possibilities are endless and they can occur either in-person or online. Just allows yourself to follow an intuitive friend-making pattern based on your history of friendships. Then find ways to apply it to new LGBTQ friendships.
You deserve to feel part of a community.
I believe you can build healthy LGBTQ friendships and family of choice. If you’re looking for a therapist who understands the importance of friendships in your life, reach out to me for a free consult. I am a bi/queer therapist in Minneapolis, MN. I provide online therapy for LGBTQ+ people located throughout Minnesota.
You can have a life where you feel supported and like you belong. I’d love to support you with that.
This blog is based on the Building Relationships and Creating Community chapter from The Queer and Transgender Resilience Workbook by Dr. Anneliese Singh.
Singh, A. A. (2018). The queer and transgender resilience workbook: Skills for navigating sexual orientation and gender expression. New Harbinger Publications.
