I want to discuss something that I believe is important for the health and longevity of LGBTQ+ friendships - setting boundaries. Over the 10+ years that I’ve provided therapy to LGBTQ+ clients, the topic of healthy boundaries in friendships comes up time and time again. Many LGBTQ+ young adults face rejection, homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia from their family of origin. Friendships fill this void, and many friendships develop into family of choice.

As we grow and evolve, it's crucial to ensure that our relationships are built on a foundation of respect, understanding, and consideration for each other's needs. As a licensed psychologist I often speak with clients about the patterns that exist in their family of origin. Then we look at how they want to either repeat those healthy patterns or replace those unhealthy patterns when it comes to their chosen relationships.

Setting boundaries is not about creating distance; it's about establishing clarity and maintaining healthy dynamics within our friendships. Here are a few points I believe are crucial to consider when it comes to healthy boundaries:

Communication

Clear and open communication is key. Your friend group should feel comfortable expressing their needs, expectations, and concerns to one another. You can make an effort to actively listen and be receptive to each other's perspectives.

Respect for Personal Space

We all have individual lives, responsibilities, and personal space. It's important to respect each other’s need for time alone, especially when personal or professional demands are pressing. I often hear people struggle to say no when it comes to going out or spending time with their friends. Even when what they want is some alone time or down time. I get it. It’s hard to do something that makes us feel like we are letting our friends down or causing them to feel rejected. Secure attachment and healthy friendships are not about saying yes to every request, it’s about enjoying the time together and understanding the friendship will survive even when there’s time apart.

Honoring Each Other's Decisions

Sometimes, you and your friends may not see eye to eye on certain matters. It's essential to respect each other’s choices, whether it's related to careers, relationships, or life-changing decisions. One of the most empowering and beautiful things about being LGBTQ+ is our ability to reject societal expectations. How can we honor the fact that our friends might not adhere to our expectations of them? The LGBTQ+ community is full of diverse experiences and perspective (hence why we have so many letters in our acronym!). It’s important to let our friends have diverse ways of thinking and making decisions, instead of giving into the feeling that we should all be the same.

Mutual Support

While it's important to seek support from friends, it's equally important to acknowledge that everyone has their own limits. You want to be mindful of not overburdening each other and understanding that you each have our own challenges to navigate.

Consent and Comfort

Respecting each other's physical and emotional boundaries is essential to a healthy relationship. Try to ensure that everyone is comfortable with the activities you engage in and the topics you discuss.

It's my belief that by being attentive to these points, you can cultivate friendships and family of choice that are based on mutual trust, understanding, and support. If you’re looking for a therapist who understands the importance of friendships in your life as a LGBTQ+ person, reach out to me for a free consult. I am a bi/queer therapist in Minneapolis, MN. I provide online therapy for LGBTQ+ people located throughout Minnesota.

You can have a life where you feel secure in your friendships. I’d love to support you with that.