How to Find Queer Joy
What is Queer Joy?
Given the homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia in society, being queer can bring a lot of anxiety and fear. There can be so much more to being queer than the struggles. Queer joy arises in the moments when you are happy in your queer identity. Queer joy consists of you being happy with your authentic self. Queer joy can also occur in community. It’s being your honest, queer self with others and them loving you for it. It’s seeing fellow queer people be their honest selves and loving them for it.
Why Queer Joy Matters
When thinking about LGBTQ+ mental health and well-being, it’s important to consider queer joy. LGBTQ+ affirming therapists shouldn’t just look at the absence of mental health symptoms. Queer people need therapists who consider the role of queer joy and what it means for a queer person to thrive.
We lose too many LGBTQ+ folks to suicide. How could that change if we broadened how we talk about queer mental health? If in addition to suicide prevention, we also spoke about how LGBTQ+ people build lives that feel worth living? What if, as a society, we understood that queer mental health means LGBTQ+ people thriving? It’s time to fully acknowledge that queer joy is an act of resistance and an essential part of LGBTQ+ mental health.
Barriers to Queer Joy
Societal oppression:
-Homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, etc.
Shame:
-Internalized homophobia, biphobia, transphobia.
Socialized messages that imprison your joy such as:
-I shouldn’t be ‘too gay.’
-I’m not queer enough or trans enough, so I’m not allowed to fully celebrate my queerness.
-Men shouldn’t show joy/emotion.
-Perfectionism: ‘I can’t let myself feel joy or be happy about coming out until everything is right.’
Survivor’s guilt:
-Noticing that other LGBTQ+ people have struggles and pain in a more lasting, intimate, or direct way than you. This makes you feel guilty. You think ‘How can I let myself be happy or joyful when others are suffering (more than me)?’
How to Find Queer Joy
-What makes you come alive in your queer identity?
-(Re)connect with joyful things from your childhood that you can queer (e.g. dancing to queer music, making queer art, etc.)
-Moving from a place of despair about queer suffering, to a place of awe in your or others’ survival.
-What is something that would bring you joy but you’re putting off until later? Something you plan to do ‘once I’m more settled into my queer identity,’ or ‘once I’m further along in my transition.’ Allow yourself to do it now.
-Who celebrates your wins? Whose wins do you celebrate? How can you spend more time with these people in your life?
-How does my community celebrate pride and freedom?
-Show gratitude for others who embrace your queerness.
-Take part in playful activities with fellow LGBTQ+ or LGBTQ-affirming people (e.g. queer sports leagues, queer DND group, etc.).
Where have you found queer joy?
See the list of 8 ways being LGBTQ+ benefits your life.
If you’re looking for a therapist who gets how stressful and painful it is to be queer sometimes, but also how meaningful, reach out to me for a free consult. I am a bi therapist in Minneapolis, MN. I provide online therapy for LGBTQ+ people located throughout Minnesota. You can have a life where you feel supported and joyful in your queer identity. Let’s connect and nurture what your LGBTQ+ identity means to you. I’d love to support you.
