Bisexuality and bi+ identities are the largest subgroup of the LGBTQ+ community. While mighty in number, bisexuality is often overlooked, invalidated, or simply ignored.

If there are so many bi+ people, why do we often feel so alone?

Bi erasure or bi invisibility refers to instances when bisexuality is ignored, excluded, or invalidated.

Bi+ identities exist underneath multiple levels of erasure or silencing in our society. Level 1 being that sex in general is often taboo to acknowledge or discuss. And within that, same-gender attraction is viewed as even more taboo than sex in general (Level 2). Finally, we get to Level 3, multi-gender sexual attraction (aka bisexuality, pansexuality, queerness, etc.). Bi erasure occurs because of the compounding effect of these three levels. How can bisexuality be acknowledged when society struggles to even acknowledge sex in general (Level 1) or same-gender attraction (Level 2)?

Often for bi women, bi erasure plays out as denying their queerness. Biphobic messages she might encounter include “She’s probably straight and doing it for attention.”

For bi men, bi erasure tends to plays out as denying their attraction to women. Biphobic messages such as “He’s gay but is too scared to fully come out,” are common for bi men to hear.

The messages given to bi women and bi men reinforce the idea that if you have any attraction to men, that part of your attraction is valid, but your attraction to women is discredited. It is based in male superiority.

Bi transgender and nonbinary folks might experience people telling them they can’t be bi because bi identities reinforce the gender binary and aren’t trans-affirming. Thereby ignoring transgender-inclusive definitions of bisexuality and putting bi+ trans and nonbinary folks in the position that they can only be true to one of their identities (their sexuality or the gender) but not both.

Examples of bi erasure (from others, from ourselves)

-Being at a LGBTQ+ event and the MC asks for applause from the gays, the lesbians, and the straight people in the room. She didn’t ask for applause from the bi people, nor acknowledge that bisexuality exists and is part of the LGBTQ community.

-Editing out your partner’s gender when talking to people. Letting other people incorrectly assume you are gay or not correcting them when they call you gay instead of bi.

-You know bisexuality exists and view your bi+ friends as valid, but for some reason it never crossed your mind or seemed possible for you to be bisexual. For you, bisexuality simply didn’t exist as a valid identity. You knew you weren’t gay, so by default you assumed you were straight. 

-When finding yourself attracted to someone of the same gender you think “What if I’m gay and I’ve been lying to myself this whole time.” Yet when you then are attracted to someone of a different gender you think “What if I’m straight and I’ve been lying to myself this whole time.” Instead of seeing these two experiences as affirmation that you are bi+, you subconsciously continue to view your sexuality as either gay or straight, erasing your bi identity.

Impact of bi erasure on mental health:

Queer imposter-ism and self-doubt.

Bi erasure, whether internalized or from other people, results in bi+ people feeling self-doubt and like they aren’t “queer enough.”

Secrecy about bi identity and feelings of shame.

When a bi+ person gets the message that bisexuality is illegitimate or fake, they become less likely to share their identity with other people. This secrecy and the shame that can come along with it are detrimental to one’s mental health.

Limited LGBTQ+ community and limited sense of belonging in the queer community.

When bi+ people are routinely invalidated or ignored within the LGBTQ+ community, they are subsequently robbed of the opportunity to find community and belonging. Thus becoming more isolated.

The power of bi visibility:

Having bisexuality and bi+ identities acknowledged and validated allows bi+ people to thrive. Seeing another bi+ person being visible and unashamed is powerful. It often gives us permission to be more visible and to challenge people when they try to erase us. Having a community or society that affirms and celebrates bisexuality allows bi+ people to feel accepted unconditionally.

Wanna know more about the benefits to being bi+?

Download our free list of the 8 science-backed ways being LGBTQ+ makes your life better.

Ready to find a bi therapist? Reach out to me to start therapy. I am a bi/queer therapist in Minneapolis offering online therapy throughout the state of Minnesota.